Smile though your heart is breaking

Three years ago today my Mama slipped from this life to the next.  It is incomprehensible to me, in my mind she could walk in to the room today and all would be normal.  Her laugh, the sound of her voice, her smell, are all as fresh to me as they were three years ago.  She is all around me yet I can’t quite pull her into this world again.

The song I’ve chosen represents my feelings about how brave my Mum was.  Even though she was given an earth shattering diagnosis she faced it with courage and determination, she never gave in.  And we never stopped believing that she would fight it off, if anyone could it would be my Mum.  If sheer force of will could move mountains she’d have been juggling them.

I remember when we found out that the round of chemo hadn’t worked as we’d hoped.  It was a tough time all round, I lost a baby that fall and Mum was facing starting chemo again before Christmas.  Despite what she was facing she still supported and comforted me during my time of loss.  I remember being on the phone and crying, so disappointed that the tumour hadn’t shrunk as we’d hoped.  She told me to be brave, to think positively.  With her encouragement I was able to push back the fear and get my chin back up.  I remember her voice saying, as she had throughout my life, “Good girl.”

Whenever there are times when I just want to fall on the floor, when I want to give up or wallow in self pity, I think of my Mum.  I think of her strength and bravery, her good humour and powerful determination.  I think about how she inspired other people with her dignity, how she inspired me.  Life is sometimes tough, sometimes downright painful.  But she never gave up, so I won’t either.  When you fall all you can do is get back up, put your chin up and focus on the horizon.

When we rise above the doubt, worry or pain, the fears and tiredness that are a part of life, we will always find something wonderful.  We will always find a reason to smile.

  1. #1 by Irene Cortez on July 13, 2011 - 1:08 pm

    Hi Emma! Your story about your Mum’s strength is very inspiring. I saw how she ignored her own pain just to be there for you at times when you needed her the most.

    Thank you for sharing this. I wish you well. 🙂

  2. #2 by Rain on July 13, 2011 - 1:51 pm

    Thinking of you today. Bless your Mama. She sounds like a beautiful woman.

  3. #3 by melissa on July 13, 2011 - 3:21 pm

    Sending you big internet hugs.

  4. #4 by movita on July 13, 2011 - 7:16 pm

    I bet your Mama would be proud of all the wonderful things you do and are. And I bet you’re passing an awful lot of her strength on to your children – what better way to serve her memory than that?

    Best wishes from my little spot in the world to yours…

  5. #5 by Stephen on July 13, 2011 - 8:45 pm

    She was special. So are you. Thinking of you both even though I’m at work.

  6. #6 by Ellen on July 16, 2011 - 12:49 pm

    Your words and admiration and love for your mother is apparent. Thank you for a thoughtful post. I have to work on strengthening my relationship with my mother. It’s good, but not enough.

  7. #7 by Mariana on July 22, 2011 - 2:46 am

    I have a cousin who just had one breast removed and the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. She is 41 and now facing the fight of her life. The right attitude is everything and like your mum she has that. Your post has really touched me, but it’s wonderful to hear that your mum’s spirit well and truly lives on.

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